Jean died suddenly in August.  My son wrote one of her eulogies: “You and my mother were the only female chaperons on our lacrosse trip to Vail that summer and I think that resulted in a cross-familial bonding, like female lions tending for each other’s cubs.”  He goes on to talk about ways Jean influenced him: “While you may not have realized it, you continued to act as a mother to me, although indirectly, through your love for Vince.”

I am so grateful for the influence my friends (and my mom and sisters) have had on my children — some incredible women have helped shape them. The “YaYas” have cheered at lacrosse games and ballet recitals.  The “Blondes” have encouraged and passed along sage advice.  One of the blondes often uses the phrase “It Takes a Village” — and more importantly, she embodies it.

We share, support, laugh, cry, laugh to keep from crying, protect, and love each other’s kids. The playwright William Congreve wrote:  ”Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.”  Clearly Mr. Congreve had never seen a mother protecting her child.

When I got the phone call from Vince that August day saying that his mom was in the hospital and he wasn’t sure she was going to make it, I wanted to teleport to the Philadelphia airport, throw my arms around him and tell him that everything would be okay, but I couldn’t.  I promised Vince that I would get to the hospital as soon as I could. Jean died that day before Vince got home from college on the east coast.

I heard from Vince today.  He is in the running for his school’s alumni scholarship and he asked me to keep my fingers crossed for him.  I have my fingers crossed, and I’m proud of him for just being nominated, but if he wins you will hear a BIG CHEER from Chrissy Field as the Saint Ignatius High School mom’s toast Vince with lattes before their walk.  It will be a cheer for Jean too.

Jean was a great mom.  The day after she died I sent Vince a letter to try to explain to him that his mom would always be present in his life.  I would like to share part of it with you as a celebration of Jean, my own incredibly wonderful mother, the women that have influenced my kids, and mothers everywhere.   Happy Mother’s Day!

Then I went to college.  On my first day an upperclassman asked me if I had come to college to get my MRS degree.  I racked my brain trying to figure out what a MRS degree was.  Masters in Research Science? Finally, the young man said, “you know, a ring on your finger!”

“No,” was all I could say.  I didn’t tell him that I was thinking about pre-med for a major, or that I wanted to travel and maybe even live abroad. (And by the way, “no” was what I continued to say to this person over the next few years when he would call to ask me out!)

I recently experienced that same sense of shock and outrage when I saw Miss Representation, a documentary that questions why more women aren’t in positions of power, as well as the role the media play in influencing how women are “seen.”

The film’s statistics are overwhelming:

• The United States is 90th in the world in terms of women in national legislatures.
• Women hold 17% of the seats in the House of Representatives (the equivalent body in Rwanda is 56.3% female).
• Women are merely 3% of Fortune 500 CEOs.
• Women hold only 3% of clout positions in the mainstream media.
• Women comprise 7% of directors and 13% of film writers in the top 25o grossing films.

But more than shocked and outraged, I felt conflicted.  I don’t like feeling like a victim and southern women don’t generally see men’s roles vs. women’s roles as a competition — our attitude is more ‘vive la difference’!

The film’s writer/director, Jennifer Siebel Newsom is also from a family of four girls, she too did well in school and was a good athlete.  She worked as an actress after college and I worked as a model —  we should totally “get” each other.  But there was something about her documentary that made me think that one of us was missing something.  Was it because I am southern? Because I’m older?  Why did I not want to run home and tell my daughter that she should run for congress someday or go to business school so that she could run a company?

I went on the Miss Representation website (www.missrepresentation.org) to explore further and there it was on the “action” page of the site:  ”Write your own story and create your own media about powerful women in non-traditional roles.”  Epiphany!

Non-traditional roles?  I am all for more women in our legislatures and as CEOs of Fortune 500 companies, BUT, what about women in traditional roles: mothers and teachers?

Ms. Newsom said that she was moved to write Miss Representation when her daughter was born because she wanted her to have more opportunities. I sent my daughter to an all-girls school and have always told her that she could do anything if she worked hard enough.

Miss Newsom has a toddler and a baby on the way.  I have two teenagers. My kids don’t eat (or drink!) only what I give them, stay where I put them, smell good all of the time, and they are not cute when they belch or have gas! I have enough years in the game to know that my job as a mom is the hardest and the most important job that I could ever choose.  There have been times that I’ve wondered if I made the right choice — the pay is terrible and the hours are worse. I am nutritionist, doctor, tutor, Sherpa, physiologist, psychologist, social advisor, recreational director, and coach to name just of few of my job descriptions.  It’s an emotional roller coaster and you can never retire.

Teachers have to do most of the things mothers do and still find time to teach. I know a young woman that has been studying in Switzerland to get her PhD in engineering.  She has decided to come home and to go into teaching.  This woman is equally beautiful and brilliant.  Her strong suits are English and history but she chose math to challenge herself and she’s done very well.  She did not give up on engineering because it was too hard — she was drawn to teach!

Biologically women are nurturers; this makes us perfect for raising kids — as moms and as teachers.  On the “about” page of the website it says, “Miss Representation explores women’s under-representation in positions of power and influence…”  I am all for more women in media, politics, and the corporate world if they choose to take that route.  However, I would argue that the traditional women’s roles — mothers and teachers — are in fact the most powerful and influential roles in our society.  Moms and teachers are not in charge of vast amounts of wealth — but we are in charge of humanity.  I applaud Ms. Newsom’s film and I encourage you to see it.  This is not about women in traditional roles vs. women in non-traditional roles; it’s about women supporting women in every role. A friend suggested that Ms. Newsom make a sequel to Miss Representation to explore the power of women in traditional roles.  I agree. Maybe it should be called Miss Understood, and the theme song should be the James Brown hit: “This is a man’s world, but it wouldn’t be nothing, nothing without a woman or a girl.”