Mothers

This is a picture of my friend Jean.  We met as chaperons on a lacrosse trip with our sons when they were twelve.  Jean and her son Vince lived in a town down the peninsula; we live in San Francisco.  My son Carlton and Vince became quick friends and ended-up at the same high school.  Vince was often at my house on weekends because kids like to be in “The City.”  But sometimes Carlton stayed at Vince’s house.  This picture represents one of those times.  Those are my son’s shoes on Jean’s table — WHAT WAS HE THINKING!  She let him have it and rightly so. But as you can see, she was also quick with a smile.

Jean died suddenly in August.  My son wrote one of her eulogies: “You and my mother were the only female chaperons on our lacrosse trip to Vail that summer and I think that resulted in a cross-familial bonding, like female lions tending for each other’s cubs.”  He goes on to talk about ways Jean influenced him: “While you may not have realized it, you continued to act as a mother to me, although indirectly, through your love for Vince.”

I am so grateful for the influence my friends (and my mom and sisters) have had on my children — some incredible women have helped shape them. The “YaYas” have cheered at lacrosse games and ballet recitals.  The “Blondes” have encouraged and passed along sage advice.  One of the blondes often uses the phrase “It Takes a Village” — and more importantly, she embodies it.

We share, support, laugh, cry, laugh to keep from crying, protect, and love each other’s kids. The playwright William Congreve wrote:  ”Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.”  Clearly Mr. Congreve had never seen a mother protecting her child.

When I got the phone call from Vince that August day saying that his mom was in the hospital and he wasn’t sure she was going to make it, I wanted to teleport to the Philadelphia airport, throw my arms around him and tell him that everything would be okay, but I couldn’t.  I promised Vince that I would get to the hospital as soon as I could. Jean died that day before Vince got home from college on the east coast.

I heard from Vince today.  He is in the running for his school’s alumni scholarship and he asked me to keep my fingers crossed for him.  I have my fingers crossed, and I’m proud of him for just being nominated, but if he wins you will hear a BIG CHEER from Chrissy Field as the Saint Ignatius High School mom’s toast Vince with lattes before their walk.  It will be a cheer for Jean too.

Jean was a great mom.  The day after she died I sent Vince a letter to try to explain to him that his mom would always be present in his life.  I would like to share part of it with you as a celebration of Jean, my own incredibly wonderful mother, the women that have influenced my kids, and mothers everywhere.   Happy Mother’s Day!