Erudite New York Times columnist David Brooks (genuflect) is off this week. I count on Mr. Brooks to put into words what my gut is telling me. He is remarkably good at this! He uses quotes, facts, and figures from a myriad of highbrow sources that I would need amphetamines to get through. Mr. Brooks is respectful (I’ve never caught him name calling), fair (while clearly a fiscal conservative, he doesn’t hesitate to dole out praise to President Obama when he feels it’s justified), and he likes to keep his focus high (I don’t think he ever commented on the Gates/Crowley situation much less the recent plethora of sex scandals). There’s no MSNBC or Fox News for Mr. Brooks, but you can catch him on The Newshour with Jim Lehrer. He’s practically perfect and he makes me want to be a better writer. But alas, Mr. Brooks is, I hear, locked in his basement writing a book, so I’m left flailing. Without the guidance of his principled columns, his scholarly beacon, I find myself sinking in a morass and resorting to writing about…
…a man in Wisconsin that was married but having affairs with several other ladies. It should be noted that he was letting at least one of the women keep him up–pardon the expression–by paying for his hotel room the past few months and taking about $3000 in cash. So, why are these ladies in jail? Seems the wife and girlfriends found out about each other. One of the girls lured him to the hotel room, tied him up and blindfolded him, telling him that she was going to give him a “rubdown”. He was game! After a quick text or two, the other ladies joined in the fun. He says he got hit in the face but because the authorities are trying to protect lover boy’s identity (WHAT!) there was no picture, so I’m not sure if it was a black-eye inducing hit or just a little love bop. The girls did Krazy Glue his penis to his stomach but come on, how bad could that be? I’ve Krazy Glued my fingers together lots of times. It comes off in a few days. Let the girls off already! …I’m just wondering, what angle did they use when they attached him to himself–did he have to duck when he went wee-wee?
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David – please hurry back!!!
David Brooks has gone a little left…
David–this healthcare debate is spirling out of control, we need you back writing to steady the ship!