It's the Journey

It’s June and there are graduates galore. Commencement addresses are echoing across the country: advising, lecturing, and encouraging generations as they move into the next chapter of their lives. A friend asked if I would send her child a note upon graduation. As I thought about what to say to this young woman, I wondered what I really knew about life? What would I say to my own children?

The only thing I’m really sure of is this: It’s the journey, not the destination, that counts.

One of my favorite poems is “Ithaca” by C.P. Cavafy. Mr. Cavafy’s poem was inspired by Homer’s Odyssey — both poems are about journeys. In our modern world we tend to focus on destinations: where are we going and when are we going to get there? There is pressure to get the right grades to get into the right school, to get the right job, to attract the right spouse… But, what do we remember most? What will we look back on longingly, lovingly, and appreciatively?

Good grades born of hard work will serve you well, but a good professor will likely be of greater value to you than the name of the school on your diploma. Memories of good and bad times with a roommate will stick with you long after grades are forgotten. Focus on the people you work with, not the promotion that you hope to get, and never stop learning.

My daughter went to her junior prom as well as the senior prom. I’ve been privy to lots of “prom talk” the past month and it wasn’t the prom that was the most fun as the girls reminisced. It was the thrill of getting asked, the search for the perfect dress, the humor in pinning a boutonniere on a date’s lapel (imagine a sharp pin and glittery, long press-on nails), getting all of the right pictures, and of course, the after-party.

Mr. Cavafy’s poem starts with the line: “As you set out for Ithaca hope your road is a long one, full of adventure, full of discovery.” It’s important to note that adventure and discovery are often found on roads less traveled. Don’t be afraid to challenge yourself — the biggest failure is in not trying. A long road may refer to a life of many years, but it may also be a reference to a hard life. I’m sure that I’ve done too much to make my kids’ lives easier. I wish that I hadn’t. Life is hard at times so learn to deal with it, even appreciate it. If the wind is always at your back you become weak, and you lose perspective.

Mr. Cavafy warns that there will be monsters along your way, “…Cyclops and wild Poseidon – you won’t encounter them unless you bring them along inside your soul…” The “Cyclops and wild Poseidon” have other names in our world: drug abuse, alcoholism, laziness and entitlement. The poem promises safety from these monsters as long as you “keep your thoughts raised high” — say yes to yourself and no to these monsters.

The most important line from the poem may be, “Without her you wouldn’t have set out.” Without a destination you risk going nowhere. Set goals and aim everyday to achieve them. You can take detours and even change course, but you need to give yourself a road-map to get started. While the dress and the after-party may have been the fun part, they wouldn’t have existed without the destination — prom.

Another great writer, Ralph Waldo Emerson, wrote: “Nothing can bring you peace but yourself. Nothing can bring you peace but the triumph of principles.” The world is a noisy place so take time on your journey to be still and to listen to your inner voice. Let your principals be your road signs and your journey will be sweet, your destination welcoming.